It is easy to say to someone: just don’t let your fear hold you back. Yeah, we all know that we shouldn’t, but often that’s easier said than done.

Mainly because our fears are such an integral part of us, mostly on a subconscious level, we are often not even aware of what our fears really are. Let alone that we know, or are able to admit, that they are holding us back.

Once it became clear to me that I was the only one standing in my way, and no one else was holding me back from what I really wanted to do in life, the blinders (figuratively) fell off. There was absolutely no one that was holding me back, but me! 😧 This realization was so freeing that I feel compelled to share this with you.

If you want to know how to not let fear hold you back, you need to admit to your fears, determine what they are, and learn how to control them. So, if you are ready to be fully honest with yourself, let’s have a look at how to not let fear hold you back in 7 steps.

1. Admit That You Have Fears

Now, before you say: nah, I’m not afraid to fail, of what people will think of me, and none of my fears are holding me back in doing what I really want in life. Take a long hard look at your thought processes and think again.

Are you fully honest about that? Are you really living your full potential right now, without any limiting beliefs? Really? (If so, good on you!)

Fear can be the most paralyzing thing there is, and the most crazy thing is, we inflict in on ourselves (we really do, but more on that later).

Admittedly, it is sometimes handy that our ego protects us from the outside world and keeps us from getting hurt. However, this protection can do more harm than good when we listen to it too often, and when we let it keep us trapped in our comfort zones for too long.

Yeah, when we were still living in caves in the wild, our fear kept us alert about immediate danger, (like a tiger on the prowl).

However, in modern day life, when our fears start to take on a life of their own, they often become our biggest obstacle that prevent us from living our best lives.

All of our fears are some form of:

• fear of physical or mental suffering
• fear of failure
• fear of not fitting in
• fear of being judged or rejected by others
• fear of not being loved or needed by others

We are all social animals that, biologically, need to be part of a group or tribe in order to survive in nature. This need is so engrained in us, that we are naturally programmed to need this.

Although in our current society, where everything is highly individualistic, we are fooled into thinking that we don’t need eachother. Which, in some ways is actually true these days, but this is also deceptive.

When times get tough, we do all need eachother. We are all connected and interwoven in the system that we have created together. We can only continue to function for a limited amount of time without support from loved ones.

2. Determine What You Are Actually Afraid Of

To determine what it is that you are actually afraid of, and how you let your fears get in your way, think about the answers to the following questions:

• What is it, deep down, the feeling that you are trying to avoid at all cost?
• How does trying to avoid this feeling manifest in your life? What behavior are you showing because of this?
• How is this behavior helping you to avoid the dreaded outcome?
• How is this behavior getting in the way of what you really want to achieve in your life?
• What is it that you want to achieve in life, if you could do anything, and would be sure that you will not fail?
• Is this goal driven by what you love to do, or by a desire to fit in (fear)?
• What are the behaviors you would need to show in order to have the highest possible chance of achieving that goal?
• What is one small thing that you can do right now to get one step closer to that desired outcome?

3. Understand That You Are Not Your Thoughts

Your thoughts are just thoughts, albeit very powerful ones. Your thoughts and beliefs shape your world and therefore drive your behavior. But it is not who you really are. You are not your thoughts.

Because our thought process is mostly happening in our subconscious, it can be difficult to see it for what it really is. When you are experiencing negative thoughts and fear on a daily basis, it can seem impossible to break that cycle.

The good news is: you CAN control your thoughts. That may seem impossible now, but it really isn’t.

You need to learn to quiet the mind.

When you learn to quiet the mind, you learn to look at your thoughts from a distance. Because in our modern day society we are no longer connected with nature like we were in the past, we are not naturally in a state of being (most of the time).

Mostly, we are in a rational state of mind. This may sound very civilized and evolved, but it is also our biggest enemy sometimes.

We are called human beings for a reason.

Only when we get into a state of just ‘being’, our mind will quiet down and we will see things for what they really are without judgement.

If you like to watch some videos about how our thoughts control us, and what you can do to change it, you can also check out my post 7 Best Videos For Self Development.

For more background on the rational mind vs the animal mind (our state of being), I strongly recommend reading Becoming Nature by Tamarack Song. In my opinion, this is a must-read book and will change your perspective on life dramatically.

4. Choose Love

When you make a decision in your life about what you want to achieve, whether this is in work, health or relationships, think about why you want to achieve this goal.

For example, if you want to make a relationship work at all cost, what is the reason for that? Is it merely because of your love for the other person, or are you fearing that you will feel alone or unloved if it doesn’t work out?

Or if your goal is to get rich: why do want to get rich? Is it so you have the money to pursue a passion, or live in your dream place? Or do you want to get rich so you can buy expensive things so other people will look up to you, or to feel that you are a success?

Do you measure your success by doing what makes you feel fulfilled, or by what other people’s standards of success are?

If you let fear be the main driver to determine your goals, achieving your goals will not make you truly happy. Maybe for a while you will feel good, but soon you will realize that the fear is still there. It has been covered with another layer of protection, but it is still driving your actions.

Only love can truly make you fulfilled. If you do something out of love, the universe has a magical way to return that love to you somehow. And above all, you will feel a lot lighter and have made a positive contribution to the world.

5. Center Yourself

So, how do you learn to control your thoughts? And how can you stop your fear from controlling your life?

You need to learn to center yourself and quiet your mind. When you are able to quiet your mind, you are able to see your fear for what it is: just thoughts.

This is hard to rationally understand, because it is not a rational process. Therefore, the only way to really understand (and feel) the importance of this, is by practicing it.

When you are able to center yourself and quiet the mind, you are able to reprogram yourself and change your limiting beliefs.

Centering yourself takes practice and can best be learned through a regular meditation practice. This practice does not have to be long, but is most effective when done regularly.

For the best exercise to center your mind, have a look at my post What Does Centering Yourself Mean? (And 3 Ways To Center Yourself Quickly).

If you would like to get started with meditation, or want some ideas for meditations you can try, check out my Guide To Meditation as well.

6. Do Visualizations To Reprogram Your Mind

As soon as you are able to get yourself into a state of deep relaxation, you can start to reprogram yourself and change your limiting beliefs.

You can do this through visualizations and the use of affirmations.

These only work once you get into a state of deep relaxation. When you are in your waking state (the rational mind), you can only understand things on a rational level, and that is not enough to make a profound change.

For ideas on visualizations, I strongly recommend getting the book Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain. The book explains very clearly what visualization is, and how you can apply it for yourself very easily.

If you like to get a deeper understanding on the different states of mind that you can reach, and some meditations that can help you get there, have a look at my post on the Alpha, Beta, Theta and Delta brain waves too.

7. Follow Your Intuition

Whatever you do, never forget to follow your intuition.

We always have the choice of either following our intuition, or following our rational mind. Learn to recognize both, and know that your rational mind (or the ego) is especially designed to keep you safe and to keep you in the place you are now.

Sometimes, in order to achieve what you want, you will need to step out of your comfort zone and listen to your intuition rather than your ego/fear/rational mind (all the same thing).

Through meditation, you will develop your connection with your intuition and your body, and they will exactly tell you which direction to take.

All you have to do is listen.

Have you ever experienced you just ‘knew’ something? Even when there wasn’t a rational reason for it, or any proof, you just had a very clear knowing about something. That is your intuition.

This is our most valuable compass when we get lost in the maze of information that the world throws at us.

The world has become so complex that sometimes our intuition is the only thing we can truly rely on. Cherish it, connect to it, and you will be amazed of everything you have known all along!

🖤